New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
