shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
