Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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