last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
