I cannot find my penis.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
