I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
