And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize