She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
