we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
