hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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