There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
