dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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