Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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