i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize