Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize