shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
