Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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