you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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