We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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