Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
