God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
