Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need water and some morals
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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