just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He passed out mid-signature
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
