yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize