Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
