No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
