the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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