In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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