I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize