walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
