He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
