This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
