he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize