I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
