Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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