Plan B is the new Plan A
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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