youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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