i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
