Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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