i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
