she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize