I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
