Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
