So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry about my life...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
