You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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