it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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