Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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