We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
