it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
