he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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