I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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