carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
