Cold hands, warm shart.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
