I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
