do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
