Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
