remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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