Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize