i already hear my dad disowning me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
