In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
