I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
