how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
