I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
