the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
