I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
COCAINE IS GR8
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
