For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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