She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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