I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dignity is for republicans.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
