If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize