put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
