Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
